What to Do When Your Baby Only Wants to Be Held

Disclaimer: We are not experts by anyway, just two mums who have been there and get it'

If your baby only wants to be held, you’re not doing anything wrong.

You’re not creating “bad habits.” And you’re definitely not alone.

Many babies go through stages where they crave constant closeness - and while it can feel exhausting, it’s also very normal. So why does it happen and how you can gently support both your baby’s needs, and your own wellbeing?

Why Does My Baby Only Want to Be Held?

Babies are born expecting and wanting closeness. For nine months they were held, rocked, and comforted inside the womb. Being in your arms feels familiar, safe, and regulating to their nervous system, plus it is warm and cosy.

Some common reasons babies prefer to be held:

• They are adjusting to life outside the womb

• They are seeking/needing comfort and security

• They are overstimulated or overtired

• They are going through a developmental leap

• They simply feel safest close to you

For your baby, being held isn’t “spoiling” - it’s connection and time we won't get back.

The Emotional Reality for Us Parents

Even when you understand the why, it can still feel overwhelming.

You might be:

• Needing a break from baby constantly feeding and being on you

• Trying to make a meal

• Desperate for a shower

• Needing a moment to sit down

• Wanting just five minutes with your hands free

Holding your baby constantly is beautiful… but it can also be draining. Both feelings can exist at the same time, and this is normal, don't allow for guilt to creep in.

Gentle Ways to Support a “Velcro Baby”

1. Start With Small, Supported Transitions

Instead of suddenly putting your baby down and hoping for the best, try some gradual steps:

• Sit beside them on a play mat first

• Keep a hand resting on their tummy

• Talk softly so they still feel connected and can hear you

This reassures them they’re safe, even when not in your arms.

2. Create a Calm, Engaging Play Space

Sometimes babies resist being put down because the environment doesn’t feel comforting or interesting enough.

A soft, inviting play area with sensory elements can help them stay engaged for short periods. This isn’t about “distracting” them, it’s about helping them feel secure enough to explore independently.

You can use:

• Soft textures

• Calm colours

• Simple toys within reach

• A familiar space and smell they recognise

When babies feel safe, they’re more willing to stay nearby rather than in our arms.

3. Use Connection Before Separation

Before placing your baby down, fill their cup first:

• Make eye contact

• Smile and talk to them

• Offer a cuddle

• Let them know you’re still close

  
  

This builds trust, so they learn:

“Mum goes… but mum comes back.”

4. Remember: Some Babies Just Need More Closeness

Your little one's temperament plays a big role. Some babies are naturally more sensitive and seek more physical reassurance than others. This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong - it simply means your baby has a strong need for connection from you right now. And that need won’t last forever (even though it can feel endless and exhausting in the moment).

But What About Me?

This part matters too, and actually a lot.

If your baby only wants to be held, your needs can easily get pushed aside. Yet you deserve rest, nourishment, and moments to yourself. Supporting your baby and supporting yourself go hand in hand.

Small strategies that help:

• Babywearing for hands-free closeness (great way to be hands free but them to be super close and safe with you)

• Asking for help, don't feel bad, others will be more than happy to help.

• Taking breaks while baby is safely settled nearby

• Reminding yourself: this phase is temporary

• Utilise outdoor and fresh air, this is good for both mama and baby

• Listen to some of your favourite music

• If you really need a moment, put them in there bed where it is safe, head outside for a moment and pick them back up when you notice your adreanline has dropped and you are feeling calmer.

  
  

You are allowed to meet your baby’s needs and your own.

Reframing the Narrative

Instead of thinking:

“My baby won’t let me put them down.”

Try reframing to:

“My baby feels safest close to me right now.”

That tiny mindset shift can soften the frustration and replace it with understanding, as they aren't intentionally wanting to cause us overwhelm, they just love us so much and feel they are a part of us.

When It Gets Easier

As babies grow, their confidence and curiosity expand. They begin to trust the world around them, explore their environment, and tolerate short moments of independence. What feels intense now gradually becomes short bursts of closeness rather than constant holding.

You’re not setting a lifelong pattern.

You’re simply responding to their developmental stage and needs.

A Gentle Reminder for Today

If your baby only wants to be held, it doesn’t mean you’re doing too much.

It often means you’re doing exactly what your baby needs.

One day, they’ll start crawling away.

One day, they’ll run ahead.

One day, you might even miss the weight of them in your arms.

For now, take it one cuddle, one breath, and one small moment at a time.

You are their safe place - and that is all they want.

You are doing a beautiful job and don't ever be afraid to ask for help if it is becoming too much.

Much love

Nicole & Penny

Nosey Toesie x